I can’t give individualized treatment or diagnostic advice. I really encourage you to seek treatment with a competent professional in your area if you are concerned.
I’m really sorry you’re feeling so poorly. That’s really not the intention of therapy and I don’t want you to feel like you are worthless or your progress is worthless, because that’s just not the case. So while I can’t tell you what’s going on with your therapist or the interaction you had with her, I can just say some stuff about those sorts of communication failures and issues in therapy.
So, yeah, therapists do mess up. Sometimes we say stuff that makes sense in our heads and is supposed to be helpful or insightful, but when it comes out it really really isn’t. Sometimes we just don’t think before we speak. Therapists are people and are imperfect, and so don’t always do as well as we’d like in therapy. And that sucks. Therapists who really want to help their clients (which is most of us) really hate messing up like this, and feel really awful when we realize we’ve done it. In that sort of case, I think a open, clear discussion about what’s happened and what to do next helps and can even help propel therapy forward.
A small proportion of therapists are not as thoughtful about their clients. Just like in every other profession, there are unfortunately people who are not invested and who aren’t working hard to do a good job- and in therapy, that can have some really negative effects. Fortunately most therapists don’t fall into this group, but the ones that do sometimes don’t really follow ethical and other guidelines of the profession. That’s terrible for their clients and for the profession at large. In that sort of case, I’d say the client should get a new therapist ASAP.
Sometimes there’s another sort of communication misfire, as well. Sometimes when a therapist says something well-intentioned, but maybe a little tough or challenging, their client may interpret it far differently than the therapist intended for whatever reason. Maybe the therapist didn’t have the best word choice, or picked a bad moment to bring up the issue. Maybe the client feels very sensitively about the topic or often interprets challenging discussions as personal criticisms. Maybe it’s a combination of things the therapist could have done better and ways the client could have been more open-minded about the discussion. This is just another example of nobody being perfect. In this sort of case I again think it can often be worked out by talking about it. Sometimes when clients come in and say, “you said X last week” (even when they thought it was a good or neutral thing), I’m very surprised because I didn’t intend to communicate that at all. By discussing those communication issues and how it impacts the client and the therapeutic relationship, often things in therapy can get better and it can help move therapy forward.
Obviously it is up to you to decide what to do next. I would say that no matter what you decide to do about your current therapist, please don’t let those remarks and your experience with her hinder your recovery process. Recovery is hard and includes setbacks- and that’s okay (although frustrating). You are allowed to feel how you feel, and your therapist is the person to talk to about your feelings and struggles. If this therapist isn’t the one for you, there will be another one who understands where you’re coming from and appreciates your hard work. Best wishes :)